You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
