You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
