I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You need Xanax blowdarts
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
