im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.