shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!