Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.

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  (310): Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches. http://tfl.nu/8y2o
  Replies (40) Good night (3236) Bad night (856)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store

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  (617): there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store http://tfl.nu/cjt7
  Replies (23) Good night (10592) Bad night (873)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.

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  (954): We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers. http://tfl.nu/9jml
  Replies (5) Good night (4004) Bad night (989)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick

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  (215): did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick http://tfl.nu/zk1d
  Replies (5) Good night (1119) Bad night (2393)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.

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  (414): in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself. http://tfl.nu/j69f
  Replies (5) Good night (4106) Bad night (1786)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.

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  (610): Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school. http://tfl.nu/m6s5
  Replies (8) Good night (2209) Bad night (604)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.

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  (931): So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating. http://tfl.nu/zfrb
  Replies (9) Good night (1522) Bad night (644)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.

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  (606): I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket. http://tfl.nu/x07r
  Replies (5) Good night (886) Bad night (1378)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials

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  (863): Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials http://tfl.nu/uibd
  Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (580)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.

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  (254): I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here. http://tfl.nu/xtpc
  Replies (18) Good night (491) Bad night (2109)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..

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  (641): Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good.. http://tfl.nu/el3i
  Replies (2) Good night (676) Bad night (331)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?

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  (218): Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young? http://tfl.nu/34pp
  Replies (17) Good night (1636) Bad night (491)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"

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  (502): Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch" http://tfl.nu/4pzk
  Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (479)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.

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  (306): I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ywq9
  Replies (5) Good night (549) Bad night (280)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me

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  (541): I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me http://tfl.nu/zpsf
  Replies (1) Good night (333) Bad night (403)

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