How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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