Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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