Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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