I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is the high leading the old right now
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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