a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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