I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
