I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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