i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
