i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just had sex on a roof
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
