Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
