Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
