that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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