12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
