A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
