the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
