My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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