i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
