I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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