I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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