do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
