You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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