Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
