So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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