that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
