I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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