I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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