i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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