I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
