Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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