i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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