I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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