What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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