i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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