Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
