toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So drunk its hurt
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize