Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
