Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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