I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
