Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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