dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
