I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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