I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
