$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
