Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
