North Korea, Best Korea!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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