her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
