dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there's paper in my vomit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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