When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
