I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
