Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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