If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
