I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
