The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
