I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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