dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
