today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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