I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
