I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
