i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
