In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
