the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
