Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
