You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
