There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
