Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
