So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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