If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
